Of Lies and Deception
by maciejayde
Summary: Mara's really good at getting out of sticky situations, but a lot of the time, her ways come back to bite her.
1. Prologue

**So, this was thrown together really quickly. It's based off of a headcanon I got sent on my roleplay tumblr account. Prologue is short, but I've got more up my sleeve. This is going to be roughly four chapters long. The tentative word count being ~7-10k words, but that might change as I work around with the words some more. **

**Anyway, I'm Macie, and this is "Of Lies and Deception", and it's my first angst-y piece(:**

* * *

She puts her head in her hands, her entire body is trembling. She's been so foolish, so ridiculous and she's really acually quiet ashamed with herself. Of course she has to be the one who makes the biggest mistake she could have possibly ever accomplished, the biggest regret of her life, and then it comes back to bite her right in the face.

Oh, how ashamed she is of herself.

Of course.. no one has to know of her little slip up, right?

She could just go on as if nothing happened, as if everything was normal and she never was the idiotic woman back on Dantooine.  
It's just that simple, she just doesn't have to mention anything.

She adjusts her stance, standing up from her position on the floor. She takes a large gulp of water and spits it right back out into the sink, hoping to get the wretched taste out of her mouth. Luke would be ecstatic to be a father. Sure, he's never actually come up to her and told her such words, but she can see it in his eyes. After all, she loves him and they have that bond..

The bond. Crap. That could foil her entire plan of this deception. But then again, she has no choice in the matter, she can't hurt Luke by telling him about what she did and the outcome of the forsaken event what seems so long ago.

She wraps her arms around her torso, her head pounding and tears are forming in the back of her eyes. She's sure gotten herself into a pickle. But, she's Mara Jade Skywalker and she knows how to get out of them. She's done it more often than she could even remember.


	2. Chapter 1

"Mooooom!" Ben calls as he makes his way down the hallway to where his mother sits on the front room sofa, datapad in hand. Her brow is curled, and it's obvious she's deep in thought. The words escape her lips without even really thinking about what she's saying, her attention is focused on her 'pad.

"What, Ben?"

"Why is this in the back of your drawer." And it was almost as if you could hear a pin drop on the carpeted floor. Slowly, she turns and looks at her son, a holo of the Solo family in his hands. Tentativley, she stands up.

"W-What where you doing looking through my stuff?" She licks her bottom lip, struggling to contain her calm composure.

"Dad wanted me to see if I could find his other glove.." her son trails off and she shakes her head, a slightly irritated smile forming across her lips. She walks over and takes the holo away from her son, but she doesn't walk away, she stands next to him, examining it with much intent. The three children are all smiling brightly, or at least that's how it appears. She's almost certain Jacen and Anakin are faking it in order to avoid the wrath of their mother.

She brings her hand up to it, but it hovers above it as she looks at the faces of the ones she lost.

"I-Uh, don't like the memories looking at this picture. I'm sure your Aunt Leia wouldn't appreciate being reminded that she lost two of her children whenever she visits." And for once, when it regards something that she's hidden from her family, she's not lying. The memories of seeing his face make her stomach tighten, after all, there's still a knot there from that god-forsaken event that took place so long ago. Sometimes, she even wants to just shove a lightsaber through her middle because even now, even now that it's so far into the past, it hurts her. To know that she's been so horrible to the one she loves so dearly.

She walks back to her room, shoving the holo back into the place where it's resided previous, she looks over to Ben who has been in tow. "Now, let's find your dad's glove, shall we?" She gives him a genuine smile, trying to cover up the pain of the memory that has now been brought to the front of her mind.

* * *

He's home late again, but honestly, she's grateful for that little fact. It's given her time to overcome the surge of emotions that landed on her earlier with just looking at _his_ face. Ben looks like him in a sense. Mainly it's the ears. They've got the same shape. She's glad, however, that no one really pays attention to that little detail of a person, because if it was something big like hair color, this lie would collapse right in front of her. But would that really be such a bad thing?

She's tired of all the lying and the deception that she's been doing all these years. It's going to ruin her family, although, she's sure it already has.

She doesn't want to be on her death bed when she tells her husband and son the truth, the truth about his parentage and why she's so jumpy at the mention of_ him. _

"Hi." Her words are almost inaudible, and he can immediately sense that something is wrong, something's troubling her.

"What's troubling you?" Her heart rate quickens and she is oddly surprised that he just jumped into the question without a so much as a hello, good evening, hello love. Nothing.

She's fumbling to get the words out and she isn't sure why she's so nervous (okay, she is)

"I-..." She can't bear to look at him when she breaks the news, but she has to tell him. She can't live thinking that Ben is his kid when he really isn't. Can he?

After all, what harm would come to him not knowing difference, really? It isn't like Ben's biological father is alive to break the news to him and in any case Luke is that child's father in every way except for blood.

Luke's been the one there through the midnight feedings, to the first crawl, walk, the scraped knees, all of it's been Luke. Luke is that child's father in every way that counts.

So she doesn't have to tell him that little tidbit. But maybe the fact that she did something horrid and it's been nagging in the back of her mind ever since it happened.

Mara has come up with a million different way that this could be revealed, and none of them just seem to be right, but she knows there isn't a right way to reveal this. The fact that she broke the most sacred wedding vow one night, and because of that, everything she's built has been built on the lie.

Finally, she manages to get the words out after her mind has run through a million different thoughts. It feels like it should have been ages, but it was a matter of seconds.

She takes another deep breath, looking down at the ground. Her red locks have long since fallen from their secured spot on the top of her head and are now covering her very ashamed face as the words break off the tip of her tongue. "I have to tell you something."

She manages to look up to see the confusion which is evident on his face, and she walks up to him. He gives her a nod, almost as if saying "go on".

"I did something awful, Luke, and I've thought of a million different way to say this, I even contemplated not telling you about it for the longest time but I can't live with the lies anymore. They're eating me alive." She's speaking at an impeccable rate and would honestly be surprised if he can even understand the words that are coming from her.

Somewhere in her ramble she turned away from him, but she feels him approaching behind her.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure we can figure out how to get through it. It can't really be worse than you wanting to kill me, can it?" And then she turns to face him, tears are streaming down her face.

"I betrayed you, Luke. And our love." And that's all she said before she broke.


	3. Chapter 2

His face is blank, a plain expression. There's no emotions emitting from him and for once, it seems like he's blocking him. And that's just something that they don't do. Mara can't read him now, and that's different. They've been able to do that sort of thing for as long as Mara can remember. There's a sharp pain in her chest because knowing that she doesn't know what he's feeling makes her know without actually feeling it what he's feeling.

She can only imagine that he feels hurt, confused, betrayed. She's done the exact same to herself and she just can't imagine the shattering going on inside of his heart at this exact moment.

The words are probably repeating themselves in his mind, the confession that way back when she did something unthinkable, something neither of them would ever expect of her.

There's an awkward silence between the two of them as they just sit there. Her gaze has brought her tear-stained face face to face with the floor. Countless times the two have both opened their mouths to say something, but the words just don't seem to make it. What does one say in such a situation?

Mara's mind has ran through probably a million different scenarios of what could happen because of this confession, but she's not going to dwell on them because no matter what she thinks will happen, they may not, because the future is always in motion and no one person can predict what's going to happen.

But given the facts, and..

Her train of thoughts are interrupted by her husband clearing his throat, her head jerks immediately up (which she painfully regrets because a warm pain surges through the back of her neck), and her emerald green eyes try to find her way to his crystal blue in anticipation of the response that he'll give. She never expected what he responded with.

"Oh."

If there was going to be any one worded response, she would have expected it to be something like "what?" or "when?" or maybe even (but probably not) "how?" She licks her bottom lip as confusion washes over her bright red cheeks.

"I-I'm so sorry." She fumbles over the words as she makes her way to her feet, placing her hands tentatively on his shoulders. He shakes his head.

"You're fine." And with that short statement, he walks away from her, leaving her in a state of overwhelming bewilderment.

She sits down on the chair once again, bringing her head into her hands and breaking down into pure sobs. Her red hair falls over her face as she contemplates what's going to happen now. Can she really just continue on as if nothing had happened, as if she never told him?

But then his response, his reactions and the fact that he didn't scream or tell her off or show anything of the slightest discomfort of the confession that she dropped on him makes her think that maybe he already knew, and he loved her nonetheless.

* * *

A week passes, Luke and Mara haven't had a single conversation, but it isn't like they're ignoring each other. After the dropping of such a confession, neither of them knew what to say to each other. They still act normal, they still greet each other and depart the same as if nothing changed, but the words that they would normally say, they just don't.

It takes their son to bring the two the the realization of what's been happening.

Now, the two of them are sitting face to face in a somewhat comfortable silence.

She brings her gaze to his and lets out a sigh. "What's happening with us?" She whispers, as if almost afraid of the answer.

Again, he simply shakes his head and places his hand on top of her. "Mara, whatever happened was in the past, you're upset by it and it's hurting you then it would ever hurt me."

Mara lets out an annoyed chuckle, standing up. "How could the fact that Ben isn't your son not hurt you?" And that was something she never planned on telling him, but it just sort of slipped out. She brings her hands to her mouth, shock covering both of their faces.

The look of pain and heartbreak that he's wearing is too much for her, she can't handle it. She's hurt him too much that she just can't bear to look at him any longer. Every time she sees those piercing blue eyes that she has grown to love so much..

A second passes and she bolts. She leaves the room, she's out of the apartment, despite the protest of her son calling after her, and just like that, she was gone.

And she doesn't have any intention of returning tonight. Or maybe even the next night. Maybe not at all, because she's hurt too many people to stay.

* * *

**Ooops, that went an entirely different direction than I planned. **

**Oh well.**

**And this update is like an hour late, I apologize to the lovely anon who inspired this.. **

**The next chapter is really going to pick up, it's about 1,500 words right now and I am not even close to done with it.**

**(fun fact: Some of it was supposed to be in this chapter but I thought it wouldn't fit, so that's why I ended this here)**


	4. Chapter 3

**Hi, so I'm a terrible person and I'm sorry that anyone who may be reading this has had to wait so long for this update, but it's here now and I thank you for your patience, younglings. **

**Remember when I said I had a long chapter for you guys? I lied, that one will come next, I like this order better. And it's my story, so there. **

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She isn't sure what brought her here, maybe it was the remorse, guilt, or perhaps even the force. But now that she's here, tears staining her pale face it's too late to turn back.

She could have gone to anyone, but of course she to pick the sister of her husband, the one person who she wished would never find out what happened. After Luke, that is.

They've been sitting in a somewhat comfortable silence for quiet some time now, unable to find the words to explain why she's sitting here, her niece and sister-in-law sitting on either side of her trying to find a way to comfort her without condoning the actions which have brought her here.

She didn't tell them everything; no one knows the whole story except for her, and she intends to keep it that way because the more they all know the more hurt they'll end up. She may be insane, devious, and quite coarse, but she isn't completely cold-hearted. She doesn't think she can stand hurting any more people which she loves. Her husband and son were quiet enough.

The soft, soothing, voice of Leia's pleading to tell her what has the redhead so troubled brings Mara's attention back to her surroundings. Her eyes lock with the woman's, and she chews on her bottom lip for a moment, before the words escape in a whisper.

"Ben isn't Luke's." She takes a breath, closing her eyes as she absorbs the gasps from the two surrounding her. "I mean, biologically. Luke takes care of Ben, he's amazing with him, so I guess technically he is, but..."

She manages to look at them again, their faces baring expression of shock and confusion. She chews on her bottom lip to bite the tears back. Mara brings herself to her feet, bringing her hands to her face and pushing them back, her hair going with them. "I was stupid, foolish, and made a rash decision that has haunted my mind daily, and I couldn't take it any more." She turns to the two, who haven't said a word since the confession, and her heart almost breaks once more just from seeing the disappointment in her sister-in-law's face. "God, Leia, you should have seen his face, it was like he didn't even care at first. But then he found out that Ben wasn't his and I just couldn't take it. I've hurt him so much, and I just can't stand to look at his face without that thought creeping back to my mind. What kind of wife does that? Betrays the love she and her husband share and then lie to him about it?"

Leia and Jaina both try to convince her to go back, they try to tell her that Luke isn't a normal person and that he'll figure out some way to work through it, but they both know that they're dealing with a lost cause, and eventually, Mara leaves the mother and daughter pair, more confused and upset than when she met the two in the first place.

Another day passes, Mara's found a place to stay with one of her old colleges who were on a short stay on Corscuant. There's something telling her that she needs to go back, if only for Ben. She misses him more and more by the minute, just as she always does when she has to leave him. She really, truly, hates herself for what she's done. She's always known in her heart that she wasn't the type of person to have the kind of love that she needed or wanted. She was the Emporer's Hand and a smuggler, not exactly the ideal people to be able to love. But when she became a Jedi, she had a split second of hope that she could maybe actually be a real person.

And she truly believed that.

Leia and Jaina had both told her that maybe it was the sickness that made her do it, but they all knew that wasn't true, at least not directly. Maybe in a roundabout way it was, maybe she was dying and wanted one last chance to do something wild, insane. But then she didn't die, and then everything went back to normal for everyone around her, and she pretended like it was for her too.

Mara finds herself sitting alone now, in a strange place that she has never been before, at least not to her recollection.

That's why when the knock on the door seems to surprise her. She hesitates, but then it comes again, as if someone knows that there's someone in there. As she approaches the door, slowly opening it, her heart sinks again. Because he's sought her out, he's standing right there in front of her and she still can't find herself to face him. But, she can't turn away, so she just stands there, tears prickling in the back of her eyes, and an itching feeling in the back of her throat.


	5. Chapter 4

**I AM SO SORRY, LOVE. This story is finished, but for some reason I just can't find the time to publish it. I could bore you with what I've been doing, (work and taking care of Riker), all the details that you don't care about, but you just want the chapter. Nicole is editing the last two chapters for me, so they'll come up as she gets them back to me. **

**I appreciate your patience with me. **

His blue eyes lock on hers, he looks tired, exhausted. At least more so than he normally does. She bites her bottom lip, hard. She wouldn't be surprised if she drew blood, but that's the only thing that is keeping her from crying right now, because she's Mara Jade and she shouldn't be crying.

After a very uncomfortable silence that seemed to last an eternity, she breaks his gaze, her eyes darting to the plush green carpet below. "What are you doing here?"

She's got a feeling that she knows, there's that voice in the back of her mind that's telling her exactly what Jaina and Leia had tried to assure her of.

"I think I deserve an explanation, don't you?" Flat voice. No emotion. And, that sounds even worse to her than a heartbroken tone, the one that she was expecting. Pulling the door open more, she steps back behind it, inviting him to step into the empty apartment without bringing herself to say the words. When she's sure he's clear of it, she shuts it softly, glancing at the chrono.

"Rissa and Jefferson will be back in about a standard hour." Her voice is soft, and she swallows hard, regaining her composure. "We can sit in the front room, if you'd like." She glances over at him, noting that he's not really talking. He gives a soft nod and follows her back to the room, taking a seat on the brown sofa that is lined up against the far wall.

"I guess, beating around the bush isn't really an option, here, is it?" She can't make herself make eye contact with him, she simply glances at his features as she speaks. She notices that his hair is messy, and mixed with the tiredness evident in his face she's sure he's been out for a while. She wants to question him about Ben's whereabouts, who is with, but she trusts Luke, he loves that child. And she's sure (or she hopes) that this little situation that has arisen hasn't changed that.

"No, just tell me why you left." Those weren't the words she was expecting. But the answer slides off her tongue easier than she had expected it to.

"Because I hurt too many people to stay." She takes a deep breath before continuing in an attempt to explain her actions. "The pain that was written in your eyes, all over your face, at that look I just knew I couldn't stay any longer. The longer I stayed the more I would be reminded of the horrible stuff that I did, the pain that I caused the only people that I ever allowed myself to truly love, it was too much. So I left."

"It's the fact that you're so hurt about this that you should have stayed. We can fix this, Mara. I don't think there isn't anything that we can't get through. I mean, it's us, isn't it?" She can feel the slight joking in his tone, but she simply shakes her head once more.

"You deserve better, Luke. I'm a horrible person and I should be treated as such. You shouldn't be here, or at least not like this. You should be telling me how I've ruined everything, I've ruined Ben's life and I need to leave, promise to never see him again. Because you know that I'll just keep lying, keep deceiving everyone."

Somewhere during that, she manages to force herself to look at her husband, who simply sits there. Taking a breath at the end of her words, she notices a small smile creep across his lips.

"Mara, listen to me." He reaches over to her and grabs her hand, sending chills down her spine at his touch, the touch that seems so foreign. "I love you, Ben loves you, and eventually we'll get through this. I don't care about who actually fathered Ben because I do love him, I've been there everyday of his life, I was there for everything. I'll be damned if that gets taken away from me for something as simple as someone's DNA. Because I'm the only father he's ever known, the only one he'll ever know. I don't think he cares about the technicalities, either." With his words, she feels his other hand brush a lock of her red hair behind her hear, his eyes locking with hers. His soft voice makes her lip tremble, tears still prickling in the back of her eyes. "Am I hurt? Yes, because it was supposed to be me and you for the rest of our lives. You've been the one person who has ever been able to make me feel as if nothing else mattered in the world. You're the one that I loved the most out of everyone, and the fact that you didn't feel that same way at one point in time makes me question if I was good enough for you, but seeing you so torn up about this, about everything you've been though, it's hurting more than your actions did; because I love you so much."

His words pierced her heart, a dull blade stabbing her right through the middle. She knew, because of that, they would never leave. They would stick with her, whether she stayed where she was, hiding from him and regretting it ever since, or if she follows him and they continue to fall more and more in love than any one person could ever imagine.

She doesn't say anything, not for a while, she just looks him over. Slowly, she can feel his presence creep back up to her, slowly. Almost as slowly as she's coming to a decision on what she needs to do. She knows that she won't ever be able to forget Ben and Luke, because she loves them too much.

Maybe Luke was right. The fact that this is hurting her so much, the fact that his pain seems to be so important to her, that she can't stand to see him in pain, maybe that's why she does need to return.

After what seems like forever, their comfortable silence is broken. "Can we really forget?"

"No, we can't forget. But we can move past it, we can grow and move on." His crisp words are those that seem to be spoken from experience, but he's the Jedi Master, of course he's full of all this wonderful advice.

"How?" She blinks back what she hopes to be the last of her tears as the word comes out of her dry lips. "And by the force, Skywalker, if you say 'we just will', I will kill you." She manages to bring a smile across her lips, her tone changing from the soft, concerned one that she spoke from before to that of her true self; her strong, willing, self.

"Er..." She sees his face light up as he tries to think of a reason, letting a laugh escape. He pulls her into a tight hug, one that feels as if he never wants to release her from. "If I say 'I don't know, but we will." do I still get killed, or will that be a sufficient answer?"

She tilts her head back slightly to gain a look at him, shaking her head as she chuckles slightly and rolls her eyes. After a second, and Luke's grip on her loosens, she can't help herself. She needs to say it again. "I really am sorry and I really do feel awful. I don't understand how you can manage to sit there and allow yourself to still think the way you do about me."

She hears him groan, dropping his head into his hands. "Mara, seriously, I will go on my speech again if you'd like."

She shakes her head. "I know your reasons, but I just don't understand them. But, there's still a lot about you I don't understand about you, Farmboy." The nickname that she gave him so long ago rolls off her tongue and it feels as if nothing will change between them. As if everything will be fine and they can just go back to living their lives as if they were the same, stupid and young couple they were so long ago.

Subconsciously, she knows that that won't happen for a while, they do have to work through this. Things won't be perfect, not for a while. But at least now, they feel right.

* * *

**Firstly, no this isn't the end. I still have two chapters to come. **

**Secondly, I know I said I had longer chapters in store, and this one is longer so technically this wasn't a lie, but my beta has been helping my fish out unnecessary information so that you guys only get what's important. **

**Lastly; I'd like to point out that this fanfiction was brought on by a headcanon I received on my roleplay tumblr account and is therefor written for the people who lurk that roleplay. Specifically, it's written for the anon (is it Greyface, idk, I think.) who requested it. These are not really the events that I would like to see happen, I do not personally believe that Mara conceived Anakin with anyone other than Luke, hence why this is starting to turn into some sappy little angst-yfluff kinda thing. That was not my original intention with this story, but it is what happened because I do have a hard time writing AU that I don't think have the slightest possibility of happening. I apologize now for the change of this story and if it isn't what you expected to play out, because it is not what I wanted to come.**


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